Basic Engineering

Part One

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" wondered the artist.

"Yeah," said the engineer. "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."

Part Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Part Three

(Q.) What is the difference between Mechanical and Civil Engineers?
(A.) Mechanical Engineers build weapons -- Civil Engineers build targets.

Part Four

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Part Five

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said to the other, "Where did you get such a great looking bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was just strolling along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful well-built woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, exposing a milky-white firm body. In a soft whisper, she said "Take what you want".

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit."