Dear AbbyFavorites from Dear Abby
Here’s some of our favorites adapted from Dear Abby:
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like?
Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did it.
I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits.
So would I.
I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair and make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend. Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a cow. How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to our final judgment? He says he's saving for a rainy day.
From Forty Years Hitched
Tell him it's raining.
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins. My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that is his hobby.
I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much. I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate doctor?
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting officer.
I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get?
I don't know. What's he getting?
Are birth control pills deductible?
Only if they don't work.
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
The baby was on time, the wedding was late.
Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time?
Yes, and also hazardous.
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
From Sam in Cal
Yes. Run for public office.
When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've heard a lot about you"?
It depends on what you've heard.
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Night and Day.
What inspires you most to write?
The Internal Revenue Service.
Do you think about dying much?
No, it's the last thing I want to do.