More Darwin Awards!

The Darwin Awards
Darwin Awards celebrate Charles Darwin's theory of evolution by commemorating the remains of those who contributed to the improvement of our gene pool by removing themselves from it. The following story is one of the finest example of evolution in action.

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COMPACTED IGNORANCE

More proof that prisoners swim in the shallow end of the gene pool.

We nurses at the Indian Wabash Valley Correctional Facility in Carlisle have to examine and treat any injuries that occur in the prison during our shift, no matter how outrageous or compromising the offender's situation.

One day, the lock-down alarm sounded. An offender was missing, and thought to be an escapee. An hour later, the lock-down ended and we received a call to report to the SHU (segregated housing unit) where the escapee was in need of treatment.

We found him lying on a table, crying, curled in a fetal position.

The offender had crafted what seemed to him to be a perfect escape. He worked in the garbage detail, and recruited two other trash collectors to help him escape in the garbage truck. A garbage truck! Who would think to look there?

He asked his two collaborators to bag him up with the trash, load him into the trash compactor, and throw him in the truck with the rest of the trash.

Now, imagine that you are in a maximum security prison with murderers and rapists. And imagine that you are going to allow, even encourage, two prisoners to seal you in a plastic bag, and put that plastic bag into a very powerful trash compactor. What kind of logic is that?

The schemer didn't die, but he was a bit squished. His back was never quite the same afterwards. If his conspirators hadn't put trash in the bag with him, he could have actually won an award instead of just an Honorable Mention.