Things To Never Say Whilst Having Sex

Is it in? That's it? You've got to be kidding me.
(phone rings) Hello? Oh nothing and you?
Do I have to pay for this?
Do I have to call you tomorrow?
You look better in the dark.
Don't tell my husband/wife.
I think you might get the job for this.
Damn! Is that all you know how to do?
Did I tell you I have herpes?
Now we must get married.
Hurry up, the game's about to start.
I'm hungry.
I'm thirsty.
zzzzzzzzzzzz.
Do you know what some female spiders do after sex?
You're so much like your sister...
Your mom's cute.
What's your name again?
Do I have to be here in the morning?
A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time!
But you just started!
Smile for the camera, honey!
I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.
Cover me boys, I'm going in! DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!
Fire one!
Your best friend does it much better.
Stop moaning, you sound so stupid.
Shut up, bitch! (worse if the girl says it)
I have to take a shit.
Its OK honey, I can just imagine that it's bigger.
God I wish you were a real woman.
Oh Susan, Susan... I mean Donna... Shit.
All of a sudden I have a headache.
You're boring.
I like your tits.
Suck my dick, bitch.
How much do I owe you?
Of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'll kill me!
Your ass is hairy (the guy says this).
Just use your finger, its bigger.
We'll try again later when you can satisfy me too.
Get off me, I'll do it myself!
Damn girl! My tits are bigger than yours!
If you can't do it, I'll find someone else who can!
I haven't had this much sex since I was a hooker!
I was once a woman...
You wanted me to use a condom?
OK start... Oh! that feels so... YOU'RE DONE?!
You ever see Basic Instinct?
Of course I don't love you.>