Ten Reasons why the Cruise was a Poor Choice for your Honeymoon...

1. too much noise in the hallways to whisper sweet nothings to your TurtleDove...

2. just as you reach the peak of sexual passion, your Snookums rolls out of bed...

3. cold water on the stateroom floor takes the fun out of anything kinky...

4. the sirens and whistles make it hard to concentrate on love-making...

5. moaning and screaming all around you makes you feel sexually inadequate...

6. you paid for a stateroom on a lower deck, but the lifeboats are hanging just outside your cabin window...

7. no one will lend you a life preserver - the one thing you need to win the scavenger hunt!

8. you dressed for dinner, but your shipmates come to the dining room wearing pajamas and nighties...

9. it's time for your mambo lesson, but the band won't stop playing "Rock of Ages"...

10. you need ice for drinks - your steward sends you up to the top deck with an ice pick...