Quotes

Have you noticed that irons have a setting for "permanent press."
Why?

If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and watch them fight it out.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I saw a bank that said if offered 24 Hour Banking." But I didn’t go in. I didn’t have that much time.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world - - perhaps you have seen it.

I find it difficult to reminisce with people I don't know.

Right now I am having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Do you think that, when they asked George Washington for ID, he simply showed them a quarter?

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

"It's déjà vu all over again!"

When talking about a favorite restaurant in St. Louis, "Nobody goes to my favorite restaurant anymore. It's too crowded."

"We made too many wrong mistakes"

"90% of the game is half mental"

"The only reason I need gloves is because of my hands"

"Pair up in threes"

"I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4"

"If I didn't wake up, I'd still be sleeping"

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours"

"I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question"

"I didn't really say everything I said"