Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
This guy walks into a doctor's office, he says "Doc, I think I'm shrinking . . . I think I'm getting a little smaller every day."
The doctor replies, "I think you'll have to be a little patient."
A doctor is treating a man's broken arm. The man asks, "Will I ever be able to play the violin again.
The doctor replies, "Sure, I don't see why not."
The man says, "That's interesting . . . I've never been able to play the violin before."
How do you make a Maltese Cross?
Steal his car
What happens when an orange gets sunburned?
The orange peels.
Two fish are in a tank
One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Two birds are sitting on a perch
One says to the other, "Do you smell fish?"
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Hey, where's my tractor?"
What's brown and sticky?
Some bacon and eggs walked into a bar. Do you know what the bartender said to them?
"We don't serve breakfast here"
This man was walking down the street. He had a banana sticking out of each ear.
A little boy walked up to the man and said, "Hey mister, you have bananas in your ears.
The man replied, "I can't hear you, I have bananas in my ears."
So I'm sending her a full-length picture of myself.
A guy walks into a bar.
"Ouch," he says.