Irish Jokes

What happened when the Irishman locked his keys in the car?
It took him two hours to get his family out with a coat hanger.

Did you hear in the news that a Cessna recently crashed in a cemetery in Ireland?
The Irish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies.

How do you stop a Irish army on horseback?
Turn off the carousel.

Did you hear about the Irish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?
Five sailors drowned digging his grave.

Did you hear about the Irish Ice Hockey team that disappeared?
They drowned in spring training.

At the last Olympic Games, did you hear what the Irish did with all their gold medals?
When they got home, they had their medals bronzed.

Did you hear about the new automatic Irish parachutes?
They open on impact.

What's delaying the Irish space program?
Development of a working match.

Why do Irish dogs have flat noses?
From chasing parked cars.

What happens when a Irishman doesn't pay his garbage bill?
Deliveries stop.

Why did the Irish couple decide to have only four children?
They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

Why did the Irishman sell his water skis?
He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it.