Quickies

"My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden." --Eric Morecambe

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Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict? We have, your honor. We find the man who robbed that bank not guilty.

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Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest