Quickies

"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always." -Rita Rudner

"I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it." -Steven Wright

"Last week Human Resources said they were going to garnish my wages. Call me dense, but I fail to see how a sprig of parsley in my paycheque will make it any more attractive." -David Henry