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Drinking

Alright, we all celebrate at New Year's, some of us to excess. However, please consider the below listed tip-offs as signs you may have a drinking problem the rest of the year:

You fall off the floor quite often

Hangovers have become an alternative lifestyle

Bill & Hillary Clinton are starting to make sense

You lose most of the arguments with inanimate objects

You have a "Reserved Parking" space at your liquor store

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

You don't recognize people, unless seen through bottom of glass

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth

You think the 4 Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Munchies & Women

You sincerely believe that alcohol is the elusive 5th food group

You say "Usually, I'm Serfectly Pober" a lot

Your job interferes with happy hour

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream

The back of your head has a callous from the toilet seat hitting it

You can focus better with one eye closed

Mosquitoes fly "funny" after they bite you

Your idea of cutting back is less salt on your Marguerita glass

At AA meetings, you begin, "Hi, my name is... uh...."

You think TV's Roseanne is good looking

Senator Kennedy just shakes his head sadly when you walk past

You think a drinking problem means two hands & one mouth

You're the town drunk, but you live in New York City

You were voted most likely to dissolve in College