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You're No Longer "Cool" when...

You find yourself listening to talk radio
(or worse) you call in yourself !

The pattern on your shorts and couch match

You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit

Your wife buys a flannel nightie and you find that sexy

You think "Tragically Hip" involves a man's mid-life crisis

You criticise the kids for their music, forgetting your teen years

You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of joining it

You turn down free concert tickets because you have to work the next day

You think grass is something that you cut, not cultivate

When jogging is something you do to your memory

Rocking all night means dozing off in your rocking chair

Sex becomes just too risky or too much trouble

Getting a little action means your prune juice is working

You bought your first car for the same price you paid for new shoes

You actually ask for your parents' advice

You don't know how to operate a fax machine

When someone mentions "surfing" you picture waves and a surf board

You think the proper placement of a cap bill is a moral issue

You can't figure out what makes anything about Madonna newsworthy

You start actually liking "Seasons in the Sun"

Instead of saying, "Good morning", ask the wife if she's taken her medicine

Christmas starts to piss you off

Your idea of fun parties now involves only Chips, Salsa and Snapple

You leave concerts and sports events early to beat the crowd

You don't want a sports-type vehicle because of the insurance premiums

You're no longer sure what's cool and what isn't

Co-workers you've always thought of as contemporaries now come to you for sage counsel

You don't know what your "comfort zone" is, in fact the term makes you nervous

The names Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow mean nothing to you