You Might Be A Redneck If:

From Jeff Foxworthy

• The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
• Someone asks, "Where's your bowling bag?" and you answer, "She's at home with the kids."
• You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
• Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
• There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
• Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
• The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
• You've ever bought a used cap.
• You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
• People hear your car a long time before they see it.
• You think a turtleneck is the key ingredient for soup.
• You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
• Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and nobody notices.
• You've ever been kicked out of the KKK for being a bigot.
• You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug in the car.
• You have a rag for a gas cap.
• You ever hit on somebody in a VD clinic.
• After the Prom you drove the truck while your date hit road signs with beer bottles.
• All of your four letter words are two syllables.
• You cut your toenails in front of company.
• You've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts.
• Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
• You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
• You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
• You actually know which kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.
• If your biggest decision when going on vacation is to use paper or plastic.
• You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
• You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
• You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
• Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
• You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
• You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
• You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
• You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
• You sit on your roof Christmas Eve with a shotgun hoping to fill your deer quota for the year.