Cold Is Relative50 degrees -- New Yorkers turn on the heat. People in Buffalo plant gardens.
40 degrees -- Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Buffalo sunbathe.
35 degrees -- Italian cars won't start. People in Buffalo drive with the windows down.
32 degrees -- Distilled water freezes. Buffalo water gets thicker.
20 degrees -- Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Buffalo throw on a T-shirt.
15 degrees -- Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Buffalo go swimming.
Zero degrees -- New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Buffalo have the last cookout before it gets cold.
10 degrees below zero -- People in Miami cease to exist. People in Buffalo lick flagpoles.
20 degrees below zero -- Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Buffalo throw on a light jacket.
40 degrees below zero -- Hollywood disintegrates. People in Buffalo rent videos.
60 degrees below zero -- Mt. St. Helens freezes. Buffalo Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
80 degrees below zero -- Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Buffalo Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
100 degrees below zero -- Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Buffalo pull down their ear flaps.
173 degrees below zero -- Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Buffalo get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
297 degrees below zero -- Microbial life start to disappear. Buffalo cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 degrees below zero -- ALL atomic motion stops. People in Buffalo start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
500 degrees below zero -- Hell freezes over. Buffalo wins the Stanley Cup.