You Might Be A Redneck If:

From Jeff Foxworthy

• You think a canopy goes under the bed instead of over it.
• You've ever had a conversation about truck tires that lasted more than an hour.
• You've ever fished from over a fence.
• You have ever taken lawn furniture to a drive-in.
• Your state senator is willingly photographed with no shirt and a leather vest on a Harley, but refuses to take a Breathalyzer test.
• You think virgin wool comes from ugly sheep.
• You keep catfish in your aquarium.
• You think truffles are a brand of potato chips.
• You've ever bought a used cap.
• You know all the verses to the "Hee Haw" song.
• You currently drive a car with "In Tow" painted across the back.
• Your dog has puppies on the living room floor and nobody notices.
• You think wild turkey should be the national bird.
• Your truck sits so high that you can see in a second floor window.
• You brag that you can chug a beer in three seconds instead of five because of the new wide-mouth cans.
• You name the pick of the litter after your wife to show your affection.
• Normal people have Kodak™ moments but you have Kodiak™ moments.
• You consider the tractor your 'good' car.
• You leave the dumpster with more stuff than you came with.
• You ever went to Walmart to freshen up for a date.
• You got cable just for TNN.
• After dinner you have Pixy Sticks and the height of the evening is comparing tongue colors.
• Speling ant tha eazist thang you evar tryed.
• You find automatic transmissions confusing.
• You refer to an armadillo as a possum in a half shell.
• Being designated driver means you're limited to a six pack.
• You snorkel in a waterbed.
• You have more gas than your car.
• The U.S. Government declares your back yard a national wildlife sanctuary.
• You are afraid to let your four year old daughter talk to the priest.
• You have more hair on your back than on your head.
• You have baby ostriches living on your back porch.
• Your wife needs to stand on a plastic five gallon bucket to get into the truck.
• Your shirts are "3X-Large" but should be "5X-Large."
• Your good furniture is just some old seats from a van.
• You wonder why the feed you just put out for your animals keeps disappearing.
• You shave your cat to put hair on your head.
• You take your newborn to the grocery store to be weighed on the produce scale.
• You use your bowling bag as a suitcase.
• Your cabinet doubles as a guest room.
• Your girlfriend lives with her other boyfriend.
• You need a bank loan to finance your next hunting trip.
• Your idea of an open air cruise involves circling the pizza place with your top down.
• Every time you break up with your girlfriend you get to sort out the gifts you gave her, after taking them off the hood of your pick up.
• You think NASCAR is better than sex.
• The kids at school know your dad by his CB Handle rather than his name.
• You spend more than two hours at the local garage drinking coffee.
• If your mower has more miles than your car.
• Your car breaks down on the side of the road and you never go back to get it.
• Your greatest accomplishment is the 10-pound turnip you grew.
• Any of your hobbies require dogs and a lantern.
• You think people who have electricity are uppity.
• You know how to milk a goat.
• You've ever committed a crime with a lawn mower.
• Your best friends are named Skeeter and Possum.
• You've ever hollered, "You kids quit playing on that sheet metal."
• Your idea of water conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday night.
• You idea of a summer vacation is running through a sprinkler in the front yard.
• You've ever named a child for a good dog.
• There are four pairs of pants and two squirrels hanging from your clothesline.
• Your local newspaper has a front-page feature called "Cow of the Week."
• You don't need a clean shirt to go to work.
• You bum a dip from your mother.
• You have the entire WWF slurpie cup collection proudly displayed on a shelf in your trailer.
• Your favorite mixed drink includes Yoo-Hoo.
• You think "Hooked on Phonics" is a fishing show.
• You've ever attended a dance at the bus station.
• Your guest bedroom is also your tool shed.
• You spend 3 days in line for Reba tickets.
• You can't keep your cats out of your car at night because the interior smells like fried chicken.
• You think French onion dip is an exotic tobacco product.
• You drive more than 30 miles to save money on a pack of cigarettes.
• You spend most of your time in the Laundromat so you can watch TV.
• Grass is growing in the floorboards of your car.
• The highlight of your day is finding the prize in a Cracker Jack box.
• The auto junkyard calls you to get spare parts.
• You own a flamingo with buckshot holes in it.
• Your third-grade class had a no-smoking section.
• Your wife left you for last year's winner of the hog-calling contest.
• Your flashlight holds more than 4 batteries.
• It took the smartest kid in your 6^th-grade class 3 times to pass his driving test.
• You cut your wedding cake with a chain saw.
• You cut your toenails in front of company.
• Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
• You ask for the honeymoon suite at the Motel 6.
• You hear a siren and your first instinct is to hide.
• You use a bedsheet as a sofa cover.
• You use the shaving cream made for tough beards...and so does your husband.