Tasmanians

Did you hear that they outlawed "the wave" at Belreve Oval?
Two poor Tasmanians drowned at a game last year.

Did you hear about the Tasmanian that drove his pickup into the lake?
His dog drowned while he tried to get the tailgate down.

Did you hear about the skeleton they just found in an old building at College Station?
It was the 1938 Tasmanian hide and seek champion.

Did you hear about the Tasmanian who was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

Why don't Tasmanians eat barbecued beans?
Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.

How can you tell an Tasmanian is on location at a drilling rig?
He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters.

How many Tasmanians does it take to eat a kangaroo?
Two. One to do the eating, and two to watch for cars.

Two Tasmanian builders were working on a house. One Tasmanian was on a ladder nailing. He'd reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over his shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. The other Tasmanian couldn't stand it any longer and yells up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?" The first Tasmanian explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!" The second Tasmanian got real excited and called him all kinds of names, explaining, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"

An Tasmanian decides to raise chickens. So, he goes to the feed store and buys some chicks. He takes the chicks home, and plants them with their heads sticking up. He waters them, but they die. He goes back to the feed store and tells the proprietor that he bought defective chicks, and gets another set. This time he plants them with their heads sticking down. He waters them, but they die. He then sends a letter to his Alma Mater, describing the problem. They send a letter back asking for a soil sample.

Ice is no longer available in the drinks in Tasmania. The cook who knew the recipe has left.

An Tasmanian happens across a professor who is staring intently into an aquarium. The Tasmanian, says, "Professor, what are you doing?" The professor answers, "I'm attempting mental telepathy with this fish. You see, if my mind is stronger than theirs, I can control their thoughts. Umm, why don't you try it!" The Tasmanian, certain of his ability to successfully control the fish, stares into the tank for a few seconds. Then, all of the sudden, his eyes start bugging and his mouth makes a little 'o' shape like he's pushing water through his gills.