Personal Ad Classifieds Explained
CODE WORD EXPLAINATIONS IN THE WOMEN SEEKING MEN CLASSIFIEDSIf you're looking for a lady using the Classified Ads, here's a dictionary:
1. ADVENTURER -- (Has had more partners than you ever will)
2. AFFECTIONATE -- (Possessive)
3. ARTIST -- (Unreliable)
4. ATHLETIC -- (Flat-chested)
5. AVERAGE-LOOKING -- (Ugly)
6. BEAUTIFUL -- (Pathological liar)
7. COMMITMENT-MINDED -- (Pick out curtains, now!)
8. COMMUNICATION IMPORTANT -- (Just try to get a word in edgewise)
9. CONTAGIOUS SMILE -- (Bring your penicillin)
10. EDUCATED -- (College dropout)
11. EMOTIONALLY SECURE -- (Medicated)
12. EMPLOYED -- (Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home)
13. ENJOYS ART AND OPERA -- (Snob)
14. ENJOYS NATURE -- (Bring your own granola)
15. EXOTIC BEAUTY -- (Would frighten a Martian)
16. FREE SPIRIT -- (Substance user)
17. FRIENDSHIP FIRST -- (Trying to live down reputation as slut)
18. FUN -- (Annoying)
19. GENTLE -- (Comatose)
20. GOOD LISTENER -- (Borderline Autistic)
21. HUMOROUS -- (Caustic)
22. INTUITIVE -- (Your opinion doesn't count)
23. IN TRANSITION -- (Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills)
24. LIGHT DRINKER -- (Lush)
25. LOOKS YOUNGER -- (If viewed from far away in bad light)
26. LOVES TRAVEL -- (If you're paying)
27. LOVES ANIMALS -- (Cat lady)
28. MATURE -- (Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, like last boyfriend did)
29. NEW-AGE -- (All body hair, all the time)
30. NON-TRADITIONAL -- (Ex-husband lives in the basement)
31. OLD-FASHIONED -- (Lights out, missionary position only)
32. OPEN-MINDED -- (Desperate)
33. OUTGOING -- (Loud)
34. PASSIONATE -- (Loud)
35. PETITE -- (Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins)
36. POET -- (Depressive Schizophrenic)
37. PROFESSIONAL -- (Bitch)
38. REDHEAD -- (Shops on the Clairol aisle)
39. RELIABLE -- (Frumpy)
40. REUBENESQUE -- (Grossly Fat)
41. ROMANTIC -- (Looks better by candlelight)
42. SELF-EMPLOYED -- (Jobless)
43. SMART -- (Insipid)
44. SPECIAL -- (Rode the short schoolbus)
45. SPIRITUAL -- (Involved with a cult)
46. STABLE -- (Boring)
47. TALL, THIN -- (Anorexic)
48. TAN -- (Wrinkled)
49. WANTS SOULMATE -- (One step away from stalking)
50. WIDOW -- (Nagged first husband to death)
51. WRITER -- (Pompous)
52. YOUNG AT HEART -- (Toothless crone)
CODE WORD EXPLANATIONS IN THE MEN SEEKING WOMEN CLASSIFIEDS
If you're looking for a man using the Classified Ads, here's a dictionary:
1. 40-ISH -- (52 in search of 23 year-old)
2. AFFECTIONATE -- (Needy and looking for a mother-figure)
3. ARTIST -- (Fragile ego badly in need of massage)
4. ATHLETIC -- (Sits on the couch and watches Cable TV)
5. AVERAGE LOOKING -- (Unusual hair growth in ears, nose, and on back)
6. DISTINGUISHED-LOOKING -- (Fat, grey, and bald)
7. EDUCATED -- (Will always treat you like an idiot)
8. EMPLOYED -- (On management track at Radio Shack)
9. FINANCIALLY SECURE -- (I will spend some money on you if I must, for I will expect you to obey my every whim for the duration of your mortal life-in return.)
10. FREE SPIRIT -- (Will sleep with your sister)
11. FRIENDSHIP FIRST -- (As long as friendship involves nudity)
12. FUN -- (Quick with the remote and a six pack)
13. GOOD LOOKING -- (Arrogant dickhead)
14. HONEST -- (Pathological Liar)
15. HUGGABLE -- (Overweight, more body hair than Gentle Ben)
16. ISO SLIM, ATTRACTIVE FEMALE -- (Would be better off with a Labrador retriever)
17. LIGHT DRINKER -- (I attend AA every week)
18. LIKES TO CUDDLE -- (Insecure, overly dependent)
19. LIKES ROMANTIC WALKS ON THE BEACH -- (I read Cosmo once and now this is what to say if I wanna get laid.)
20. MATURE -- (Until you get to know him)
21. OPEN-MINDED-- (Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested)
22. PHYSICALLY FIT -- (I spend a lot of time in front of mirrors admiring myself - closet homosexual)
23. POET -- (Will write a poem on the bathroom wall while constipated)
24. PROFESSIONAL -- (Owns a tie that mom picked out)
25. RELIABLE -- (Punctual.. give or take a couple of hours)
26. SELF-EMPLOYED -- (Same as for women, plus eat nachos all weekend)
27. SENSITIVE -- (Needy)
28. SMART -- (Thinks "Men Behaving Badly" is "the wittiest show ever!")
29. SPIRITUAL -- (Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter)
30. STABLE -- (Occasional stalker, but never convicted)
31. THOUGHTFUL-- (Will say "Please" when demanding a beer)
32. VIRILE -- (Can read three Penthouse Forums without passing out)
33. YOUNG AT HEART -- (Pedophile)