You Might Be A Redneck If:

From Jeff Foxworthy

• You think harass is two words.
• After 20 years of marriage you find out your wife is your cousin.
• You take notes while watching The Three Stooges.
• Your new car is a John Deere.
• You go to the city dump and leave with more than you took.
• While raking leave you fall out of the tree.
• Your truck is higher than your house.
• You think Fast Food is hitting a deer at 60 mph.
• You go ice fishing and you bring back 200 pounds of ice.
• You have a Waffle House credit card. Birds are attracted to your beard.
• You go to a family reunion to meet women.
• You're not actually able to read The Richard Petty Story, but you sure do like to look at the pictures.
• You are offended by these jokes.
• The three little words you say to your wife are GIMME A BEER.
• Your grandmother has ever been kicked out of Bingo Night because of her language.
• You win the lottery and buy a NEW doublewide to live in.
• You think a quarterback is a refund.
• You were born on a pool table.
• Truck drivers tell your mom to watch her language.
• Your porch falls off and more than two dogs die.
• Your living room wall has the flood history.
• You get detention in school for catching a bigger fish than the principal catches on the day you both skipped.
• You consider Rambo a classic.
• You think, "Gentlemen, Start Your Engines" is part of the National Anthem.
• The word NASCAR appeared anywhere in your wedding vows.
• At home you have to wipe your feet to go outside.
• You have to take your house to the body shop after a hailstorm.
• If your vehicle has a nickname that ends with "Lou".
• If you spend more at Christmas on your huntin' dog than your family.
• Your family tree doesn't You trip over the cord of a cordless phone.
• You go to a wedding and everyone sits on the same side of the church.
• The employees of the local Wal Mart know you by name.
• Your tan line starts at your eyebrows and ends at your shirt collar.
• Your Lazy Boy has a gun rack mounted on it.
• You've been married 3 times and still have the same in-laws.
• Your house has no curtains but your truck does.
• Calling your closest neighbor on the phone is long distance.
• You went to a huntin' camp on your honeymoon.
• You told your wife to move over in bed so the dog can have more room.
• Hitting an animal with your truck means getting a new coat.
• When asked your tooth color on a application, you state "Not Applicable".
• You ever held a family reunion in jail.
• You have legally changed your name to "Current Resident" in a sorry attempt to get more mail.
• You prefer calling your sister Hun.
• If the garbage men don't know what to take or what to leave.
• If you believe God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr.
• You bought a VCR because wrestling was on while you were at work.
• Your house pets include any form of livestock.
• You consider a night at the rodeo a romantic evening.
• Your blood alcohol level is higher than your IQ
• Your wife has a beard and you don't.
• You leave pickled eggs and beer for Santa.
• Your bridal registry was the local bait shop.
• Your spare tire is a cement block.
• Your truck has curtains but your trailer doesn't.
• You identify with the Beverly Hillbillies before they struck oil.
• Your coon dog was the "Best Man" at your wedding.
• You're not sure of the true color of your pickup.
• Your kid's first words were paper or plastic.
• All your new appliances are your neighbors old ones. T
• There are more than four cats living in your garage.
• Your mamma carries a wrench and a comb in her back pocket.
• Your mamma has more chest and underarm hair than your father.
• You put your empties through the cylinder holes in your coffee table.
• You try to hit road signs with empty beer bottles.
• You put your pocketknife and key ring on opposite sides of your belt to balance yourself.
• You've never slept with your boots off.
• You go turkey hunting for hat decorations.
• Your car stereo is worth more than the car it is installed in.
• You purposed marriage to you best gal by painting the "Big Question" on a overpass.
• You know more that 10 slang words for "breast."
• You serve macaroni and cheese at a formal dinner.
• You ever stripped or jumped out of a cake at a relative's bachelor party.