Brand New

A guy was getting married on a Saturday. Friday night, his friends took him out and got him waylaid, bylaid, rolaid, mislaid, up, down, bing, bang, boom, forget it. His pecker was a mangled mess. He didn't know what to do. Finally he decided to take two Popsicle sticks and wrap them around his member with adhesive tape.

The next day he got married. When he and his new bride were in their honeymoon suite, she walked out of the bathroom stark naked. She said, "Look, honey. Untouched by human hands."

Thinking quickly, he pulled down his pants and said, "Look! Not even out of the crate."