Rectum StretcherBob, a lawyer, was driving home after spending a great day out on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding a little...
As he was crossing a bridge, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, and motioned him to the side of the bridge.
Bob pulled over like a good citizen. The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going boy?"
Bob thought for a second and said, "Uh, 60?"
"67 mph, boy! 67 mph in a 55 zone!" said the cop.
"If you already knew" replied Bob, "why did you ask me?"
Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good close look at Bob, in his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob answered, "I've got a job! I've got a very good job!"
The cop leaned in the window, sniffing the air, and said, "What kind of a job would a smelly bum like you have?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Bob.
"What you say, boy?" asked the patrolman.
"I'm a rectum stretcher!"
The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?"
Bob explained, "When someone needs to be stretched, I'm the one who does it. I start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then both hands. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther apart until the rectum is a full six feet across."
The cop, absorbed with this bizarre image in his mind, asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?"
Bob nonchalantly answered, "You give it a radar gun and stick it at the end of a bridge!"