Cuckoo ClockJust after this guy gets married, he was invited out for a night "with the boys." He accepts and then tells his new bride not to worry, because that he'd "be home by midnight...promise!"
Well, the darts were landing just right and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3am, drunk as can be, the guy finally stumbles home. Just as he gets in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed three times.
Quickly he realized she'd probably been woken up by the clock, so he cuckooed another nine times to make her think it was midnight. He was really proud of himself, having the quick wits even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
Next morning the miss's asked him what time he got in and he tells her, "12 o'clock, dear!" Whew! Got away with that one!
"Hmmm, I think we need a new cuckoo clock," she says over her morning coffee.
"Why is that?" the husband asks.
"Well, it cuckooed three times, said 'shit,' cuckooed another four times, farted, cuckooed another three times, cleared its throat, cuckooed two more times, and then giggled."