Head bashingTech: What is your User Name?
Cust: John Smith.
Tech: (searching for user name johnsmith to no avail) that's your USER Name, your login name?
Tech: .. (search for cust acct by last name, find a million Smiths.. finally find their acct.) We have your user name listed as "wolf231".
Tech: Not John Smith.
Tech: What error message are you getting?
Cust: I'm not getting an error, it just won't connect.
Tech: Nothing comes up when you try to connect?
Cust: Nope, nothing happens at all. It doesn't say anything.
Tech: .. and nothing appears on the screen what-so-ever..?
Tech: - Well.. What happens to lead you to believe that it isn't working?
Cust: It says Error 691, User Name or Password..
Tech: That's what we in the business call an ERROR MESSAGE.
Tech: Goto My Computer on your desktop.
Cust: Yes, I have a computer on my desk.
Tech: No. There is an ICON on your desktop called My Computer, double click on it and it will open.
Cust: I don't see Your Computer.
Tech: No, it is called My Computer, not literally mine, it's just the name of it.
Cust: OK.. just a sec.. <5 mins later> - hm.. Now what is the desktop again?
Tech: .. It's where the background is.. you know. It has all the little small pictures of stuff that you click on on it.
Tech: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Cust: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Cust: "What do you mean?"
Tech: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Cust: "I'm not going to do that!"