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Calvin and Hobbes Quotes

They only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it.

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

Either he's playing classical music at 78 RPM, or I'm still dreaming.

If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.

Who wouldn't be interested in everything we do?!

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

It's my dessert that's gross! Look, a thermos full of phlegm!

My favorite ritual is eating three bowls of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and watching TV cartoons all Saturday morning.

A good compromise leaves everybody mad.

I hate being good (or trying to fake it).

But I like my idea better.

You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude.

Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.

I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.



You know you'll hate something when they won't tell you what it is.

Existence is not only temporary, it's pointless!

Well, it puts a bad day in perspective.

I flunked a test today, but I don't mind.

It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.

'The world isn't fair, Calvin.' 'I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?'

Studies in Contemporary State-Sponsored Terrorism. ....Also known as gym class.

Heck, what's a little extortion among friends?

She didn't even give me credit for my professional clear plastic binder!

'I've been thinking, Hobbes.' 'On a weekend?' 'Well, it wasn't on purpose...'

I just can't identify with that kind of work ethic.

Rats. I thought I could make an easy four bucks.

As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.

-FLUSSH! Whee! Ha Ha Ha. -Mom, I'm done with my bath now.

This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen...

I've decided to become a fatalist.

I don't need to study! I don't need to learn!

I can always get by on my good looks and charm!

Divine retribution, that's what!

Homework, I command thee, BE DONE!

What business is it of yours, jerk?!

How rude.

My dreams are getting way too literal.

Mothers are the necessity of invention.

I've been good all day so far.

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

Childhood is short and maturity is forever.

I like to say 'quark'! Quark, quark, quark, quark!

What do they think I am, an engineer?

The longer you wait for the mail, the less there is in it.

People pay more attention to you when they think you're up to something.

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.

In my opinion, television validates existence.

Tuesdays don't start much worse than this.

Somehow I imagined this experience would be more rewarding.

-I don't DO math anymore. I decided I'm more of a visual person. -Visualize being the only 45-year-old in the first grade.

Boy, rough life, huh? What have YOU done today?!

I'm happy, but it's not like I'm ecstatic.

I'd explain it, but there's a lot of math.

There's no head rest on this chair! I should sue for whiplash!

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

It's for the 'let Calvin live through recess fund.'

Never mind, Mom! Do we have any plastic bags?

OK, so I was wrong for once in my life! Shut up.

Another genius foiled by an incapable assistant.

I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?

Ever notice how tense grownups get when they're recreating?

You can present the material, but you can't make me care.

From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.

My bills always die in subcommittee.

I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside.

Nice underpants.

He's so lazy and selfish.

One more nostalgic part of childhood goes THBPPTH.

It's that moment of dawning comprehension I live for.

I love the culture of victimhood.

Nothing I do is my fault.

I like to verb words.

I should be doing my homework now.

I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life...Procrastinating and rationalizing.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

I liked things better when I didn't understand them.

Is it a right to remain ignorant?

Quit resisting, you!

I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas.

Obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity.

It is man's indomitable nature to scare himself silly for no good reason!


I'm bored.

Let's ask it which of us is smarter.