Short Jokes

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. ... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog?
Hound beef.

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.

How do you recognize a dogwood tree?
By its bark.

What goes up and never goes down?
Your age.

Hickory dickory dock
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
And the other two escaped with minor injuries

What gets bigger the more you take from it?
A hole.

Why do firemen wear RED suspenders?
To hold up their pants. Duh.

A guy is standing outside the surgery room where his wife is having surgery. He hears the surgeon say, "Hammer." Then he hears him say, "Hacksaw." Then he hears him say, "Wrench." The guy can't stand it any more, so he runs into the room and says, "Doctor, doctor, what's the matter with my wife?" The surgeon replies, "I don't know. I can't get my bag open!"

What do you call a chicken that crosses the road twice without taking a bath?
A dirty double crosser.

Why did the chicken only cross the road halfway?
It wanted to lay it on the line.

Why did the fox cross the road?
It was after that chicken!

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids don't eat broccoli.