Assorted Short JokesA sandwich walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Gimme a beer," the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve food."
Optimism is thinking the E in your gas gauge stands for ENOUGH.
Childhood: That time of life when you make funny faces in the mirror.
Middle age: That time of life when the mirror gets even.
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they simply make darkness the standard!
One cow walked up to the other in the field and said "Mooo"
The other one said "Damn I was going to say that"
Did you hear what happened to Frigidaire?
Q. What's the difference between driving a Volvo and sticking your hand down the front of your trousers?
A. You'll feel a bigger dick driving a Volvo.
Q: If we breathe oxygen in the daytime, what do we breathe at night?