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WOMAN: A Chemical Analysis

Element Woman
Symbol Wo
Discoverer Adam
Atomic Mass Accepted as 118, but known to vary from 100 to 460 lbs.
Occurance Copius quantities in all urban areas

Physical properties:
  1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
  2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
  3. Melts if given special treatment.
  4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
  5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
  6. Yields to pressure when applied to correct points.
Chemical properties:
  1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
  2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
  3. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a Male.
  4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.
  5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known.

Common uses:
  1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
  2. Can be great aid to relaxation.
  1. Pure specimen turns a rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
  2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
  1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
  2. Illegal to possess more than one.