If Beer Were...

If Beer (non-alcoholic of course) were like Operating Systems...

Windows 98 Beer
Looks and tastes a lot (a helluva lot) like Windows 95 Beer, but with more bubbles. One of the main differences between Windows 98 Beer and Windows 95 Beer was supposed to be the added effervescent to help prevent severe hangovers on the First of January 2000 due to partying hard on new years eve, 1999. Unfortunately for the Windows 98 Beer brewer, the added ingredient did not have sufficent properties to do so.
This resulted in an amended batch of Beer being released for the year 2000 celebrations. The new ingredient can be obtained from the brewer free of charge and added to the earlier batch of Windows 98 Beer when opened. The added bubbles to Windows 98 Beer required a bigger container for the beer as well as larger stubby holders and coasters. Another enhancement to Windows 98 Beer was the supposed speed with which it could be consumed, but this was only possible if your drinking vessel was large enough to accomodate the increased beer flow.

Windows 2000 Beer
A new beer expected to be released onto the market at the end of 1999 or early in the year 2000. This comes in a 32oz can and contains 32oz. There are no DOS Beer ingredients in this beer at all, but it can still be consumed simultaneously with most DOS Beers with very few indigestion problems. Windows 2000 Beer comes with a tamperproof lid to allow the owner to keep his/her friends from drinking their beer. An added spillproof opening will also prevent uneccessary wasteage by all but the most clumsy of drinkers. This feature should also help prevent some of the drunken rages experienced by those who previously drank earlier flavours of Windows Beers. The new flavour of Windows 2000 Beer has been brewed to entice some of the teetotallers of the world to take up drinking beer. It is also easier to drink for the seasoned drinker who may now be able to drink with one hand or even hands free with the aid of a straw. To protect the consumer, the large brewers have added a secret ingredient to try and stop unscrupulous bar persons from watering down Windows 2000 Beer, and supplying you with an inferior (albeit cheaper) product, packaged as Windows 2000 Beer. New improvements to the flavour have led to claims that it will help increase the socialization between drinkers of the beer, both at home and in the bars. Widely tipped to be a big seller.

Linux Beer
This is a home brew beer and as such is not widely consumed, though its flavour, while completely different to most beers, has been given a taste in recent years to emulate Windows 95/98 Beers and this has led to increased popularity. Can cause intoxication very rapidly for some people and is therefore not recommended for people unaccustomed to drinking large quantities of beer. Linux Beer, although a home brew, is being sold by a few very large liquor outlets lately and this may help its acceptance by more and more drinkers.
Can cause severe indigestion in some people if mixed with other drinks at the same time, but is usually quite gentle to the stomach if drunk on its own.

WARNING: Continuous drinking of beer may lead to continuous drinking of beer!