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New Computer Viruses

Lewinsky Virus
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, them emails everyone about what it did.

Tyson Virus I
Quits after two bytes.

Kevorkian Virus
Deletes all old files.

Ellen Degeneres Virus
Disks can no longer be inserted.

Lorena Bobbitt Virus
Re-formats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

Viagra Virus
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

Bill Clinton Virus
Gives you a 7 inch hard drive with NO memory.

Woody Allen Virus
Bypasses the motherboard and attacks the daughter card

Tonya Harding Virus
Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons

Paul Revere Virus
Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\

Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus
Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg

Jane Fonda Virus
Attacks your hard drive's FAT

Oprah Winfrey Virus
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB

Politically Correct Virus
Never calls itself a "virus"; but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".

Adam & Eve Virus
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer

Airline Virus
You're in Sydney, but your data is in Singapore

Freudian Virus
Your computer becomes obsessed with it's own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive.

LAPD Virus
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on you PC erases them in "self-defence"

Mike Tyson Virus II
It takes a byte out of every file

O.J. Simpson Virus
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.