You Might Be A Redneck If:

From Jeff Foxworthy

• You've ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.
• Your kid calls your sister, mom.
• You think icing is what you do to your front steps before your mother in law comes over.
• You drink gas because you found out you can run two and a half miles per hour faster.
• You've ever tried to drown a fish.
• You buy your jewellery at the hardware store.
• You drink Labatt 50
• You've ever had to knock the spider webs down to use the bathroom.
• Your son says, "Dad, can I have a can of mix?"
• Your Christmas stocking is full of ammo.
• You go to the DMV to transfer the title to your home.
• You can yell to your mom, "Hey, Aunt Betty!"
• You wonder why there isn't a hairstyle called "The Hat Line."
• You actually like Spam.
• Your pickup truck has a bigger turning radius than your house.
• You send a request to a major fragrance designer to try to recreate the smell of a dead skunk.
• Your wife howls at the moon more than your huntin' dogs.
• The same pair of boots have been in your family for five generations and they're only twenty years old.
• You go swimming in the drainage ditch behind your house.
• You cuss and refer to your wife, mother, aunt, and sister with one word.
• Your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner.
• You have more pet names for your huntin' dog than for your girlfriend.
• You mistake the offering plate for a spit can.
• You go to church to pick up women.
• You bring your dog with you to church.
• You think that Australia is ruled by the south because their flags are similar.
• You think the Franklin Mint is a breath freshener.
• Your only tie is made of leather, silver and turquoise.
• You buy a can of Mountain Dew just to serve as a container to spit tobacco juice in.
• Your house gets picked up every week.
• If bar-b-que is a daily thing.
• You think that the Dark Side is a room in your house.
• You think doctorin' involves mamma's sewing kit and a jug.
• You've ever held a guy over your head because of a fight over a CD radio.
• You think a Ford Mustang is a new bread of horse.
• You prefer to sleep in the truck than in your house.
• You have heard more than four people say "Your mamma...she's naked!" before running out of a room with new heart conditions.
• You've ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.
• You break wind in public and blame it on your kid.
• You've ever valet parked a snowplow.
• You vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.
• You've ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer company.
• You've ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.
• You kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Year's eve party.
• You've ever paid for a 6-pack of beer with pennies.
• There are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.